Transitioning from dilators to intercourse can be monumental for many patients when still in the early stages of overcoming their anxiety to penile penetration, despite heroic progress with dilators. There are difficulties finding the “right position”, finding where the vagina actually is in relationship to your partner, fear of thrusting and certainly fear of failure.
During my counseling sessions after Botox treatment for vaginismus, I tell every patient that intercourse is more comfortable than the large dilators. An erect penis is softer and more comfortable than the stiff dilators. Yet almost every patient has significant fears transitioning from dilators to intercourse. The original fears and anxiety of not being able to consummate, and all those original feelings of feeling like “freaks” routinely surface once again. Psychologically, transitioning to intercourse despite success with dilation, can become very uncomfortable for some, while others just “do it”.
We encourage our patients who are successful with the transitioning from dilation to intercourse to share their experiences with our other patients who are still working towards that goal. Below are just a few stories from some of our patients on what worked for them.
Story 1: “I found that the most important thing for me in the beginning was using the largest (blue) dilator for 2 hours prior to attempting intercourse. Then, he would take it out and slip right in where it once was. And, he is a lot more comfortable than the dilator is.”
Story 2: “Dr. Pacik, My homework/experiment on Saturday evening was a complete success!!! I dilated with pink for 1 hour and then big blue for 1 hour and 15 minutes. When I took big blue out I had my husband slide his erect penis in immediately as you suggested and there was no resistance at all!! I just felt some mild burning but it wasn’t unbearable and certainly nothing like any of our previous attempts! He
was able to insert his entire penis within seconds. We held off on any thrusting as you suggested. WOW is all I can think of to say!!!!”
Story 3: “I had dilated an hour with purple and an hour with pink (I haven’t been able to get back to the blue but don’t worry Dr P said that was normal and you still can achieve intercourse) we then made sure we had a lot of lubricant, in the beginning this seemed to be very important for me it just makes it easier. We tried for me to sit down on him so I had complete control of the situation however this way didn’t work for me, I was able to tense my legs up so much by having to hold up that it made it impossible. We didn’t give up we just tried a different way. He then got on top of me, this way worked so much better for us. We didn’t do thrust, he just went in and out. He was able to get over halfway in, I was not able to do it long enough for him to finish the first time, bc I became a little sore. But we were very happy with the progress and refused to give up. A few days later we attempted again. This time he was able to go all the way in and we were able to last until he finished. This is something we have wished for years. It was still mechanical and we didn’t try different positions. The next night we tried again. This time we started with him on-top and added a little thrusting and then we were able to switch positions with no problem with reinsertion. It was such an amazing thing for me to go through. We did reapply lubricant each time we switched place just so it didn’t get dry and hurt. With the Botox it tends to dry you out more then normal so just add more lube and you should be fine!!! Just take your time everyone takes different times. We eventually want to not have to plan and prepare when we are going to have intercourse so more romance can be in it but we are taking it a day at a time and we are very happy with where we have gotten. Stay positive and good luck!”
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